As usual, as the year begins to wind down a part of my brain switches to reflective mode.
Lately I have been picturing a conversation with my “former self” for whatever reason. Midlife maybe, wishing I could smack my former self upside the head or at least impart some wisdom.
No rewind button in life. There is a reason the rear view mirror in your car is much much smaller than your windshield. Any time spent looking backwards should only be a glance, not a stare.
So what would I tell former self? What age would I like to sit down with? This in itself is a fun exercise as I look back and recall what I was doing (or not doing!) at various stages.
I kept my notebook close by recently to jot down some ideas for a list. Some made the cut while others did not, but all in all I feel like I have a pretty good summary. Turned out to be nice even dozen.
Let’s take a trip back in time shall we? Sit down with a younger WBM and tell him a few things! Maybe it will help me refocus on and anticipate what potentially lies ahead.
Appreciate what’s yet to appear in the windshield, per se…
PAIN IS A NATURAL PART OF ANY PROCESS WORTH YOUR TIME
Childbirth anyone? Grad school? 5:30am run in the rain? Relationships? I could list about 50 more. If someone told me I had to relive certain years of my life I would just grab a shovel and get busy. Here’s the deal though…everyone has those years. Chances are you are a better person, stronger person, likely both because of them.
If it seems too easy or turns out to be a cruise, chances are it’s not benefiting you that much if at all. So when it gets real and you find yourself ready to throw in the towel, what you need to do is use that same towel to wipe your brow and get back to it. It won’t always be like this and you will appreciate the effort later.
LIFE IS A SERIES OF CHOICES AND DECISIONS AND YOU FULLY OWN BOTH
At the end of the day, all you have is accountability. Accountability for today and every day that came before this one. Nobody asks for cancer. Nobody asks to die in a car wreck. Exceptions exist no doubt, but for the other 99% of circumstances you are where you are today because YOU had a choice and YOU made a decision.
The minute you look for excuses or someone or something to blame it’s game over. As you get older you will learn to recognize those key choice crossroads. Decide wisely my friend because it’s on you, no one else.
LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS AND 90% HOW YOU REACT TO IT
Life didn’t get the fairness memo and at times you will be dealt a bad hand. Some things us human folk just cannot control. What we can control, each and every time, is how we react. Things can spiral quickly if you allow them to, why not stop for a second, regroup and determine a productive way to respond?
This was Dad’s personal favorite “motto” and I’ve heard it since my youth. What is has helped me do is stay calm when my surroundings were a polar opposite and quietly contemplate next steps. Whether that process happens in a matter of seconds, hours, days or months…the process is still the same.
DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF TODAY BY FOCUSING TOO MUCH ON TOMORROW
This one haunts me deeply if I allow it. I always was and still am to this day – a planner. I love looking ahead. One of my most coveted personal items is my Moleskine weekly planner, I order a new one every year and fill it cover to cover. Planning is all well and good, but I know for an absolute fact I missed out on a lot of life experiences because I was blinded by the lure of the future.
In business circles we would call it “paralysis from analysis”. In personal terms it can probably best be reduced to the familiar “stop and smell the roses”. Regret is a steep price to pay tomorrow for failing to value what is front and center today.
LEARN HOW TO LISTEN BEFORE YOU WORRY ABOUT SPEAKING
We all know that person who stops talking just long enough so they can decide what to say next. You speak while they stare off into space until they interrupt. I have zero time for these people and instead I just use it as an opportunity to become a better listener! Then I try to exit stage left.
Pride yourself on being a good listener. If it doesn’t come easy, work at it. Don’t just hear, listen. The quicker you master this the more you will have to offer, if you can’t listen you forfeit your right to speak.
ALWAYS GO TO BED HUNGRY
I guess this one would apply both in the figurative and literal sense, I do try to limit my calories after 6pm. What I am really getting at though is make sure something is pulling you toward tomorrow. What are you looking forward to? What do you have lined up that you are to eager to get into?
Can’t recall how many times I have stared at the ceiling in bed trying to solve an ongoing problem or planning a mental checklist for the following day. It’s important to make sure your checklist includes some “want to’s” not just “have to’s”.
NEVER STOP FILLING BOOKSHELVES
I absolutely hated to read as a kid, I had too much reality in motion to keep me busy, no time to sit and be still to read! My desire to read didn’t really pick up steam until I graduated college, when I wanted to expand my horizons. I would say today I own over 500 books, finance, economics, travel essays, bios, psychology, history, you name it I can point you to a title.
I do not hesitate nor do I budget for book purchases, digital or physical. If I see something I want to read, I buy it. If buy a digital version and I really like it, a physical version soon follows. As long as your library is expanding, so is your mind.
ALWAYS MAINTAIN SOME MARGIN IN LIFE
An avid motorcyclist, I always knew what was left in the tank. I would often push the limits, knowing I had 10 more miles of gas and there was a station 9 miles up the road. I am also an avid procrastinator! I seem to work better when I can feel the weight of a calendar or clock bearing down.
I am finally starting to fully appreciate the value in margin. Leaving a little space. Leaving a little time. Stress will kill you quicker than anything. More often than not that undue stress is simply due to a lack of margin.
DISCIPLINE AND DISCERNMENT AGE VERY WELL
Dad was a an ex-Marine and Baptist minister. He drew a firm line when it came to expectations, I rarely if ever took any shortcuts and if I ventured off course it was corrected quickly. At the same time I had a very long leash as long as I met those expectations. I had to prove I knew the right way to do things and I had to prove I would always do them that way, without exception.
It’s much easier to make wise decisions over time with a foundation of discipline in place. I appreciate that now. Any success or accomplishment I’ve had, as few as they may be, can usually be traced back to discipline instilled early in life complimented by discernment that can only be refined over time.
CONTENTMENT IS THE MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION YOU CAN OWN
A book I just finished recently mentioned a great quote: “You are truly rich when your needs are few”. How true. Nothing wrong with drive or goals, we need both up to a point. The problem is when it’s never enough…it’s never good enough, it’s never big enough, it’s never fast enough, you get the point. I spend very little time comparing myself or my situation to anything or anyone. I don’t even know anyone named Jones.
I am at a stage in my life now where contentment is off the charts and it is a fantastic feeling. I do not need the scenery from a cruise ship or the breeze of a tropical island to relax, I can take 10 steps onto my back patio with a cup of coffee and enter the exact same state of mind. That… is priceless.
NEVER RETURN A BORROWED TOOL DIRTY
This one is a little tongue in cheek and I almost left it off but I like it too much. Take care of things! All things, especially if they don’t belong to you. I own a 25 year old SUV and a motorcycle that also turns 25 next year. They look new, they run new because I wanted them to last and kept them clean and well serviced.
If you borrow a car, wash it and fill it up with gas before you return it. If you borrow a wrench, wipe it clean before you hand it back. It’s a very simple concept that will translate directly to much larger aspects of life.
LEAN TOWARD THE BEST VERSION OF YOU EVERY DAY
I end with this one because it’s my personal favorite. I may not live up to it each day, but it’s always front and center. Everyone ideally wants to improve, as a human being or at what you do. The problem is we are impatient and want to see that person or be that person NOW failing to appreciate the process in between.
Take a piece of paper and jot down a list of personal traits on the right hand side that define the best version of you (Confident, Relaxed, Happy, Focused, etc). Do the same on the left hand side only this time for the worst version (Insecure, Nervous, Sad, Distracted). Fill the page with both if you can.
Take a look at all of those perfect traits of your best self. Newsflash: You are going to come up short on most days. We all do. Somewhere in the middle of that page between the worst and best is your true self.
Just make sure you are leaning toward best each and every day. You don’t have to get there overnight or right NOW, you just need to lean that way. Newsflash: Lean that way far enough and long enough and guess what?
You just might end up there.
The Finance Stance 